


to where the water was

by virotutis



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, i honestly to god cant fucking believe im writing het for once holy fuck, mermaid au though!!!!!!!!!!, there was supposed to be a third chapter but im done w this show/au so its Over now sorry, this is basically adrien pining: the fic, warning for talk about drowning and stuff just as a heads up!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-20
Updated: 2015-12-04
Packaged: 2018-05-02 13:00:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5249132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/virotutis/pseuds/virotutis
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he doesn't even know her name- or if she even <i>has</i> one too, but he's enthralled by her anyway regardless of how little he knows of her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i

“You know, we've really got to stop meeting like this,” Chat Noir says, but there's laughter in his voice and one of his famed smirks on his face even as his body shakes and shivers at the cold bite of the Seine seeping through his leather suit. He clings on a little tighter to his savior, hands in a vice-grip around the arm she has wrapped around his waist to drag him out of the water.

“We wouldn't _have_ to if you'd stop falling into my river,” she points out with a small annoyed huff, but she starts swimming a little faster, pulls him in closer to her until he can switch to holding onto her neck. “You'd think you would have considered learning how to swim already with the amount of times you've fallen in because of your… _things_ throwing you in here.”

“I've considered the idea,” is all he says to her, because he has, of course- but there is never any time for Adrien to do anything for himself when his schedule is packed with work, activities his father makes him learn, obligations to his father, and his Chat Noir duties, and the ability to swim isn't something his father never deemed relevant enough to have him learn. Thankfully, he's got her in the waters to help him out and drag him out whenever an Akuma ends up knocking him in during a fight, or when his bad luck strikes again and he ends up tripping and falling in.

Without her, he would have been dead months ago- just another drowned corpse at the bottom of the river, so he's incredibly glad that she's somehow always in the general vicinity whenever he takes a tumble into the water. He's trying not to make a habit of it, because it's absolutely frightening and life-threatening every time, but knowing that she's usually around makes it a little easier, helps him stay calm a little longer before he starts to panic and flail in the water to attract her attention.

Despite the usual circumstances whenever they meet, since she doesn't like to appear unless she truly has to, he enjoys their time together anyway even though it's always a near-death experience for him. It's not as though she herself has much freedom in choosing where she can appear anyway, so he can't exactly fault her for it. Adrien has learned over the years from experience with his father to take whatever he can get.

She brings him over to a place where he can get out of the water, and even though he's a little reluctant to let her go he pulls himself up onto the concrete of the street and out of the water anyway. He tries his best to fight the hard shudder that wracks his body when a gust of wind hits him as he crawls out, but it doesn't work too well when his whole body is soaked and it's the middle of the night.

There's a concerned frown on her face as she eyes him carefully. “Hurry home and dry off,” she commands, shaking her head. “You'll get ill like this. Go and get yourself warmed up.” She makes a motion to leave, but he catches her by the wrist gently before she can go.

“I wouldn't mind getting ill if you'll nurse me back to full health,” Chat coos at her, giving her a flirtatious wink. Her face is so unimpressed by it that he almost feels hurt by it, so he continues to speak because she looks like she's about to peel his hand off of her and leave any second now and he doesn't want her to go- would much prefer to never part with her, if he could.

“But, that's not why I kept you. Since you were the one to bring it up, perhaps you could teach me to swim, my lady? Just a private lesson between a gorgeous lady like you and me, under the romantic beams of the moon,” he offers, flashing her a suggestive, sly smile. “I'd like to get to know a wonderful beauty like you better- it turns out that while your rescues are very nice bonding activities, they aren't very good for learning about each other when we're both too preoccupied with keeping me above water.”

She laughs at the idea, loud and sharp but _beautiful_ \- and even though he knows that she's laughing at him, he finds that he doesn't mind in the slightest because of the bright amusement in her eyes then, the crooked smile lighting her face, and he can only give her a goofy grin in return as she reaches up to flick at one of the fake cat ears in his hair.

“You should probably ask someone with legs to teach you instead, kitty,” she tells him with a small giggle, waving her tail- bright red with cute speckles of black, like polka-dots- as if to remind him about that before gently removing his hand off of her wrist. “ _Do_ make an effort to learn, though. Next time, you might not be lucky enough to have me around to help you.”

She dives beneath the water then, disappearing back into the Seine, and all Adrien can think about then is that she never specifically said no, and his grin doesn't leave him even as he makes his way home in the dark, completely freezing and unable to feel his toes or fingers or stop his teeth from chattering.

* * *

 

Adrien doesn't know anything about her besides the fact that she's a mermaid that appears in the Seine. He doesn't know what kind of fish she's based on or how she ended up in the river running through Paris to begin with or what she does for food and how she survives in there and how she even sleeps in there and he doesn't even know her name- or if she even _has_ one too, but he's enthralled by her anyway regardless of how little he knows of her.

He understands her need for secrets, to release as little information about her as possible because there's _danger_ in discovery- her general existence is a scientific improbability and her kind only exists in mythology and fantasy, and getting caught by the wrong person could literally be the end of her life, but sometimes it's a little frustrating for him to think about how he barely knows about his lady, the one he's absolutely mesmerized by.

He knows that she's _lovely_ , absolutely lovely and captivating and _amazing_. He knows that she's enchanting, with her elegant graceful swimming and the fond edges of her smirks and the pretty, pretty sky blues of her eyes brought out by the flecks of red scales on her face and the dark curtains of her wet hair framing her gorgeous face, and that she's also so kind-hearted too, because she's saved his life so many times and he knows from the rumors of something in the river that he hears that she saves the lives of anyone that falls into the river even though it only endangers her and brings her so much more closer to being discovered and caught.

But he doesn't know anything of real substance about her at all. All he has about her are the small little observations he catches when she's pulling him out of the Seine and he wants to know more about her. He wants to know absolutely everything about her, to carve every detail of her into his memory and keep her essence there in his mind.

Plagg makes gagging noises whenever he talks about her, calling him a disgustingly lovesick fool and occasionally says that he's creepy, and Adrien can't even deny it the slightest bit. He's been far gone for her since the first time she pulled him out of the water, her bright eyes filled with panic and desperation and a deep concern when she grabbed him and brought him to the surface and held onto him as his body trembled from fear while he coughed up water and clung to her.

She stayed with him until he stopped shaking, arms around him in a tight hug even as his claws dug into her skin and kept rubbing at his back soothingly, muttering soft _it's okay_ s and _you're safe now, you're okay_ s into his hair until he could breathe again, and she does it every time he falls in and his head dips under too many times and his lungs take in too much water for his liking without complaint.

He's enraptured by her and her kindness and displays of altruism, and utterly intoxicated by the sound of her laughter in his ears and the way she smiles as she rolls her eyes at him when he tries to flirt with her or makes a bad joke and the soft curves of her tender smile and her gentle eyes when she thinks he's not looking- he's always looking at her whenever they're together though, drinking in the sight of her and taking in everything to commit her to memory to try and have something to curb his ever-present longing for her, like a painful claw wrapped around his heart that makes it hard for him to breath when she's not around.

(It doesn't work, because all it really does is make the longing _worse_ , makes him want her even more as he memorizes the exact shade of color her scales are to turn and stare whenever something red catches the corner of his eye, keeps him up at night thinking about the way she bites her lips and worries them red whenever she's concerned for him and the way she tosses her hair over her shoulder with a smirk and a mischievous gleam in her eyes when she's in a playful mood and every little thing about her that he's seen of her that he keeps close to his heart and burned into his head.

He's always thinking about her and he deeply wishes that she would trust him more and tell him about herself because he would never tell a soul anything about her no matter what, and Plagg calls him gross and rolls his eyes at him and tells him that _cheese is so much better than girls, Adrien, honestly_ , but he's in _love_ , he's in so hopelessly deep for this mysterious girl that's not even really a girl and he knows that it's impossible for him to get out of this endless chasm of affection and care and yearning and he doesn't want to either.)

* * *

 

The next time Chat Noir sees her, it's thankfully not because he's ended up in the Seine again- he started to keep a jar in his room to toss money into to keep track of the amount of times he's fallen in and it's slightly distressing how the jar is already half-full after a few months. Since he's met her for the first time, he's gotten into the habit of visiting the Seine- more specifically, the spot where she first dropped him off at- after his nightly patrols on the days he manages to stay dry.

He likes to go there and stay for a bit to relax, watching the way the light from the streetlights make the river glow and how the moon reflects off the surface of the water. There's a part of him, the pining infatuated side of him, that goes there to wait for her, hoping that she'll pop up out of the water to greet him and they can have a proper conversation without having to worry about the whole drowning factor that's always there when they see each other, but he's never seen her show up.

Until now, that is. He does a double-take when he sees her casually floating in the water with something on her stomach, idly playing with the strap of her red and black spotted bikini top (he had asked her about it once, because all his ideas of mermaids involve girls with sea-shell bras on and she had scoffed at him before going on a lecture about the fragility of shells and the potential danger involved when sharp shards are close to your chest) and he stops mid-pounce on top of a streetlight to stare in disbelief, wondering if he's imagining her there just because he wants to see her so badly.

His distraction causes him to fall, hand slipping off the metal when he moves to adjust himself and making him lose his balance from his perch with a surprised, small yelp. He barely manages to grab onto the post and catch himself in time- thank small blessings for his good reflexes, because falling on his face in front of her would be _so_ mortifying, not to mention _bad_ since he has a photo shoot tomorrow and _Adrien Agreste_ can't show up with an injured face.

Chat stays on top of the streetlight for a couple moments to make sure he's steady and won't slip again before hopping off, tucking himself into a roll as he lands before quickly striding over to her with a grin. The grin grows larger as she turns her head towards him and waves him over towards her. “Well, well, well! What an extremely pleasant surprise to see you, my lady!”

“Evening, kitty,” she greets him, a small smirk on her lips. Now that he's close to her, he realizes that the item on her stomach was a vinyl bag. He wonders idly what it's for. “I thought I'd catch you here tonight. Good catch, by the way. I'd give you at least a seven for it.”

“You saw that?” he asks, laughing a little sheepishly as he rubs at the back of his head. “I was a little distracted by seeing you around, you know, when I'm not drowning. Your entrancing beauty stole my attention for a brief second, and that's all it took.”

“You're always quite the flirt, aren't you,” she groans, rolling her eyes in exasperation but there's a fond curve to her lips anyway so Chat takes it as a small victory. “Distracting you isn't the reason why I waited for you. I've got a small gift for you.”

He blinks. The first thing that his mind processes is _I waited for you_ and the words make his chest clench, his breath catching in his throat slightly, as he feels his face heat up and his heart swell with something large and heavy and fond. Adrien really is in deep for her, if just words like that are doing him in like this. “The only gift I need is your presence, my lady,” he manages to say weakly before she notices his pause, swallowing hard at the thought of a _gift_ from her.

“Just take it, Chat,” she tells him, rolling her eyes again as she picks up her bag to dangle it in front of him. “It's not anything fancy, but it's something I got specifically for you. It'd be pretty much useless to me. Open it for me. I don't want to get it wet.”

“If the lady insists,” he hears himself say as he nervously takes the bag into his hands. The item inside is surprisingly firm, but it's not heavier than a couple of pounds and he has no idea what it is. His heart is pounding in his ears as he pulls the zipper open, and he holds his breath as he reaches inside to pull out… a book?

He blinks, feeling slightly light-headed from confusion and a dash of disappointment before his eyes catch the words, “ _Swimming for Beginners_ ” written on the cover of it, and then the disappointment is completely gone and he lets out a loud, amused snicker because _of course_ , she would.

She's grinning at him, looking pleased by his reaction. “You asked me to teach you how to swim last time,” she explains with a small hum, “and I told you that I couldn't since my method of swimming is completely different than what you're physically able to do, so I figured getting you a book on it could work instead.”

“How thoughtful of you to remember my request, my lady,” Chat smirks, and because there's still a swirl of _love_ bubbling in his chest, he gently grabs one of her hands to press a light kiss into her knuckle. “You really are truly kind. Thank you.”

“It's just a book, kitty,” she laughs, pushing his face away from her hand with a finger. “I'm glad you liked it though.”

“It's not _just a book_ ,” he sniffles dramatically, holding it to his chest and cradling it preciously. “It's the first gift my lady has given me! I'll cherish it to the end of my days!” It's not a lie, honestly. It might be a book, but the idea that she remembered about what he said and took the effort to get him something to make up for it makes him feel butterflies in his chest, his cheeks feeling sore from all the smiling he's doing.

“You're insufferable,” she sighs, but he catches the smile that she hides behind her palm. “If you're going to act like this every time I get you anything, then it's not encouraging me to get you anything again.”

He's about to make a quip about how all he needs is her, but he pauses, frowning for a moment as he realizes something, noticing the price sticker on the book. “Where did you even get this?” he asks, feeling confused again. “I mean, it's not like you can, you know,” he stops to gesture to her tail, “get up and walk into a bookstore, so how…?”

She raises an eyebrow, but there's amusement on her face. “I got up and walked into a bookstore,” she smirks at him, giggling at the shocked look on his face as he gapes at her. “It's as simple as that, kitty. What, did you think that I'm completely stuck in this river? Did you really think I spend all my time in here? If I get on land, I can shift my tail into legs for a period of time. I _do_ have a life outside of rescuing you.”

He's still reeling from this new bombshell of information she's given him when his Miraculous beeps out a warning as a claw disappears from his ring and she takes that as her cue to leave, giving him a small wave as she ducks down under the current. He's still reeling as he makes his way home, after Plagg's spent several minutes yelling at him in his head to go already, and he's still reeling as he lies in bed, still holding onto the book and staring up at his ceiling.

Huh, he thinks. Huh. Well. At least that means that if he ever managed to ask her out of a date, they’d have more options than just sitting at the river bank.


	2. ii

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he hasn't managed to get control over the terribly pining part of his heart, the part that wants too much and wishes for too many things

Adrien can’t stop thinking about it. He’s been trying his best to focus on the lecture his teacher is giving them, has been trying to make an effort of at least trying to listen to the analysis of Shakespeare’s work that his teacher is droning on and on about since the beginning of class, but his thoughts just keep drifting off. His mind keeps wandering off to _her_ instead, his pretty lady in the water that’s stolen his heart and all his attention, keeps playing back the words she had said before she left since the moment she ducked back into the river.

He might have spent some time last night before going to bed daydreaming about potential date plans for them and all after hearing her words, but he’s not blind to the implications of them or the underlying nature of them. The playful, “ _I_ do _have a life outside of rescuing you_ ,” that she had said had more weight to it than just being a casual throw-away line for a joke. It had been a small hint about herself, a tiny thread that she gave him that led to the answers of the mystery of her, and he doesn’t exactly know what he should do with it.

He wants to know her- his desire to know her, his constant _yearning_ for her, burns inside him, a constant flame that consumes his thoughts and heart like wildfire that grows bigger and fiercer after every interaction he has with her, but he’s unsure what she wants, what her motive for telling him this is. Before last night, she had always avoided telling him any knowledge about herself whenever he made an attempt at asking her with skillful deflections or pointed silence, and he had given up on trying to wheedle information about her out of respect for her and her decision.

But now she’s given him this, this key that’s opening up so many different doors of opportunity that could potentially, might eventually lead to them _meeting_ each other outside of the water. There’s a hopeful part of him that wants to take this as a sign that she’s finally warming up to him, that she’s going to finally tell him her _name_ and they can start on learning each other from there, but Adrien knows better than that- knows _her_ better than that.

If she wanted him to know her outside of the water, she would have said so. His lady is straightforward and candid in personality despite her secrecy concerning herself, and she’s stubborn to a fault when she’s made up her mind on doing things. She’s not someone to beat around the bush with something like this, not the type to make vague promises and implied offers hidden between her words. If she wanted him to know about her, then Adrien is sure that she would have told him flat-out.

That’s why he’s so torn and confused by this, why he doesn’t have a clue how to proceed in this situation. He could follow this line she's dangled in front of him- pursuing it endlessly until it led to the caster, until it led right to _her_ but he can’t read her intentions regarding this new piece of information. He can’t quite understand why she’s given him this, and he doesn’t want to start doing something he doesn’t know if she actually wants from this, even if this is all he's ever wanted.

(There's a part of him that thinks that it was probably just an accident, that she must have slipped up when she wasn't paying attention because she let down her guard around him. He tries not to acknowledge how likely this might be.)

He needs to talk to her and clear things up, that much is sure to him, but he still doesn’t have a way to see her besides waiting at the river bank every night for her like usual. It’s a method that he can’t depend on though, because there’s no reliable proof that she’ll come back there again, but it’s the only thing he has besides trying to jump into the Seine and praying that she'll be in there to rescue him, and he's pretty sure that she would most definitely _not_ be happy that he'd put himself for risk just for something like this.

He's barely able to hold back his sigh, his shoulders slumping slightly in vague irritation and disappointment as class ends and he slowly puts away his notebook back into his bag. He wishes that she would have left him a phone number or a schedule or _something_ to help him contact her and know when she'll show up, because, honestly, things don't _have_ to be this complicated and they don't _have_ to be like ships that pass in the night like this. He doesn't _have_ to sit outside in the dark by the river, waiting for hours for something that won't even happen if she would just throw him a bone.

He can't be angry at her for any of this though, no matter how much it hurts him, something bitter in the depths of his stomach that burns him. He has secrets that he needs to take to his grave as well, the mantle of _Chat Noir_ on his shoulders is something that he can't exactly spill to everyone either. Plagg is insistent that no one finds out, citing potential risks to the people around him and the possibility of getting sold out accidentally when someone that knows ends up turning into an Akuma, and Adrien agrees with him- finds the logic from his usually carefree, lazy kwami surprisingly reasonable for once.

(Adrien knows though, however, that if she had ever asked him who he was under the mask, if she ever wanted to know his true name and how he really looked, he'd reveal himself in a heartbeat without thinking twice, consequences be damned.

Plagg shakes his head, making a loud noise of disgust when Adrien confesses that to him in the dead of the night when the thought comes to him as he stares up at the ceiling. The kwami mutters a loud displeased, “Do you have a brain at _all_ , kid?” then but there's no surprise in his voice. There's only a dry exasperation, like he's already expected this coming and has resigned to it already.

“Not when she's involved,” he admits, rolling over in his bed and hugging a pillow close to his chest, absently wishing it was her in his arms instead. “Never when she's involved.”)

* * *

 

“Hey, you alright, dude?” Nino ends up asking him quietly with a concerned frown during third period when the teacher's busy passing out papers, nudging Adrien with his elbow gently. “You seem kinda out of it and all.”

“I'm fine,” Adrien says with a small bashful smile, ducking his head down slightly and scratching the back of his neck as he lies to his best friend in his face. He is most definitely not fine right now. “Just a little tired. I didn't sleep very well last night, and I have a photo shoot later, so I'm a little nervous about that.”

While it's true that he stayed up longer than he should have, too busy working himself up with thoughts about his lady after their last encounter to pay attention to the clock, he honestly doesn't care in the slightest for the photo shoot. He's too concerned about still deliberating on what he should say to her the next time they meet to spare any thought about it. Photo shoots are all generally the same in concept anyway- he just has to stand there, strike poses, and smile for a couple of hours. He's been through so many of them in his life, they're easy to power through.

Nino's face instantly turns sympathetic, and Adrien feels slightly bad about lying to him but it's a necessary evil- he wouldn't know how to explain the whole situation with his mermaid crush without Nino laughing at him and doubting him after all, and there’s no way to avoid revealing the whole, _oh, I’m actually Chat Noir thing too_.

“Ouch, man, that sucks,” he groans, shaking his head and patting Adrien on the shoulder. “At least it's the last one you're scheduled for this week, right? And you'll do great during it- you always do.”

“Right,” Adrien nods with a small genuine smile, feeling touched by his friend's assurance even if he doesn't actually care about the photo shoot later. Nino really is a good person, always thoughtful and supportive, despite what Adrien's father may think of him, and he's immensely thankful for their friendship. “Thanks, Nino. You're right, I'll do fine.”

“Not fine,” Nino clicks his tongue while shaking his head, decreasing his voice to a whisper as the teacher begins to head back to the front of the room, “ _great_. Don't be so modest, dude. Things will be just fine, you're good at what you do. It'll all work out.”

“Great then,” Adrien amends with a quiet laugh, “I'll do great, guaranteed.” He feels a little lighter after the exchange despite how heavy the situation with his lady weighs on him. Although Nino doesn't know what's truly going on, his support is enough to bolster Adrien's mood a little.

It helps when both Alya and Marinette wave him goodbye before he leaves, Marinette giving him a small shy smile and wishing him good luck, albeit stuttering through her words bashfully and hiding her face with her hands a little bit. Adrien likes her, really, because she's kind and has cute quirks and is extremely talented at designing, but he wishes that she weren't so shy around him.

He's seen her with her friends, goofing around with Alya and speaking freely with every other person in their class, and he's seen her stand up to Chloe every now and then when she can't take his old best friend's behavior, a determined fire in her eyes and confidence in her shoulders and gait. He just doesn't understand why she can't show those sides to him. He thinks that they could been great friends, if he could get her to relax around him somehow.

It should have been long enough for the new kid title he has to have worn off already so he thinks that she's gotten a little more used to him compared to the first day he transferred, and he doesn't think she hates him because she always makes an effort to be nice to him and talk to him even though he can tell that she's pushing herself to do so and he knows that she's the type of person that would try to avoid him if she really did hate him, like she tries to do with Chloe. It's confusing, and he doesn't get what the problem is.

Those are thoughts to dwell on later though, when he doesn't have other things he needs to focus on. He pushes them to the back of his head and clears his head as he gets into the car to get driven to work. Somehow, just as Nino says, the photo shoot does end up going great. It ends up being by the Seine this time, the photographer wanting a “wistful, longing” mood or something along those lines.

Adrien doesn't pay much attention to the details given to him then, too preoccupied by the thoughts of her that always come to him when he's by the river, but whatever expression he had made while staring at the water was perfectly fine because the photographer loved it, ate it right up and took photo after photo before he noticed what was happening.

He wonders if he should be embarrassed by it when he takes a look at some of the shots the photographer enjoyed the most and finds them to be regular faces he makes on a daily basis when talking about her, but he decides to count it as a small blessing instead even though Plagg is laughing silently from inside his shirt, tiny body shaking almost violently against him. If it ends the shoot early, then it's a good thing, so _shut up, Plagg, okay_.

The shoot's still technically down for another two hours for him in his schedule and it's about time for lunch at school anyway, so he leaps for the chance for a break and the opportunity to get some time to himself to think more as soon as the photographer dismisses him for the day. He sends Nathalie a quick text telling her that he'll handle his own lunch today before heading off, feet automatically taking him towards a certain location by the river.

“You know she's definitely not going to be there, right?” Plagg scoffs, popping his head out of Adrien's shirt to take a look at his surroundings and rolling his eyes when he recognizes the path. “It's the middle of the day right now. That girl's actually got common sense and a survival instinct, unlike you. She's not going to be here in broad daylight and let herself get spotted.”

“I'm not going there just to check if she's there, okay,” Adrien hisses quietly to defend himself, shoving Plagg's face back in before anyone walking by them can see. “I just like going there to relax. I'm not _that_ desperate.”

Except, he really is, because he hasn't managed to get control over the terribly pining part of his heart, the part that wants too much and wishes for too many things and maybe, he's still expecting her there anyway just a little bit. He doesn't think he'll ever manage to get control of himself when it comes to her, honestly. He won't admit it to Plagg though, even though he knows that the kwami knows about it, has seen through him already. He's still got a smidgen of pride left in him somewhere.

“Sure,” Plagg drawls, shaking his head with a snort of disbelief. “Whatever helps you sleep at night, kid. Just don't get your hopes up. You're just setting yourself up for failure at this point.”

“I won't,” Adrien says, a lie that tumbles off his tongue easily as he keeps walking. “I won't.”

* * *

 

The next time he sees her again, it's a week later when he's out on the middle of night patrol in a completely different location than usual, blocks away from where they met the last time. It's thoroughly unexpected, because he's been waiting at the other spot for the past nights for hours without a glance of her, and Chat almost falls from the roof like last time when he spots the bright colors of her tail now, and then the bright blues of her eyes when she turns and blinks at him.

He blinks back at her, frozen in place for a few moments before slowly and carefully leaping off the roof to head over towards her, unsure what to say now that they're face-to-face with each other. He's planned at least two dozen different scenarios and wrote them out even, to figure out what words to speak, but now that he's here, he finds that he can't remember any of them.

“Uh, hi,” he says intelligently, after a long pause where he's just staring at her. Adrien wants to punch himself in the face. He'd do it if she wasn't in front of him.

“Hi,” she replies slowly, voice almost shy and equally as awkward as his. It's a new side to her that he hasn't seen before, and he finds it a little precious, despite him being the reason it's appearing right now. “It's, um, been a little… while? Yeah.”

“A week,” he supplies, words falling out before he thinks about them. “It's been seven days, since...”

She flinches slightly, rubbing at her face. “Yeah,” she breathes, a hint of a sigh in her voice. “A week.”

There's a tense silence after that, where he's still deciding what he needs to say and how to approach the subject and her gaze has dropped away from him, focused on the concrete of the street. He opens his mouth to speak, to say something, to say _anything_ , but she shakes her head and swallows.

“Look,” she says first, a small grimace on her face but there's a grim determination in her eyes as she speaks. “I'm sorry. I've… avoided you the past couple of nights.”

Well, it's not like he didn't suspect that possibility happening, but it still hurts like a swift punch to the gut to hear her admit it. His chest clenches painfully, and he inhales sharply. “Oh,” he says, and then says nothing else.

She clenches her eyes shut, rubs at her face again. “I know, I'm sorry,” she sighs and her voice shakes a little. “I'm really sorry. I knew it was a terrible thing to do, and that it would hurt you, but I just… I knew you'd be there waiting for me, and I just couldn't work up the nerve to see you again because I couldn't figure out what to say to you after I said… something that I don't think I should have said.”

And there it was, another admittance of something he already suspected. He wants to laugh at himself, because he was aware that it was more likely that her telling him about her ability to leave the water was an accident than her actually wanting to tell him and he still got his hopes up _anyway_ like an absolute _fool_ , but his heart feels like someone's just ripped it out of his chest and wrung it out violently like a wet rag, and his stomach feels like an ocean in the middle of a storm anyway.

He thinks he can feel tears start prick at the corner of his eyes so he clenches them shut, trying to push them back and forcing himself to take deep steady breaths even if they hurt. He can't let her see him cry- just how lame would he seem to her? He has to smile, has to crack a bad pun and flirt, has to pretend that he's not dying a little. He has to be Chat Noir.

“It's… not that I don't trust you, because I _do_ , you're the human that I trust the most, but...” she trails off quietly, and he can hear her swallow hard. “I just… It's hard, and...”

It helps a little, to hear that she does trust him, but it doesn't fix the pain that's tearing him apart. It's just like slapping a band-aid right on a large, gaping wound. It doesn't fix the problem that she didn't truly have any intention of telling him.

“I'm sorry,” she whispers again, and he hears the sound of splashing. Adrien thinks that she's left him after that, and he feels a small sense of relief at that, but then he hears the sound of something wet hitting the concrete and his eyes pop open at that to see her pull herself out of the water, droplets of water dripping off her shoulders and spine.

He stares for a moment, unsure about what she's doing until he catches her eyes, a bright shining determination burning in her blue eyes and she starts to _drag_ herself bodily towards him, her tail scrapping against the ground.

“Oh my _God_ ,” he gasps, and rushes over to her and closes their distance without thinking, forgetting about his feelings for a moment out of worry for her because _what if she hurts herself, holy shit, why_. “What are you _doing_? Are you okay? What the fu-”

She cut him off by giving a tight hug around his waist and he freezes up at her touch, the feeling of her warmth pressed against him even past the water still on her skin. “I've hurt you,” she mutters into his stomach, voice muffled by the leather of his suit. “I've hurt you really badly. I'm sorry, Chat.”

He swallows hard, and slowly places his hands on her shoulders. He tries to ignore the fact that they're shaking, trembling slightly. “It's okay,” he mutters quietly to her, even though it's not really okay and his chest still aches and hurts and his stomach is still a mess and the tears are close to escaping despite his best attempts at forcing them away.

Adrien doesn't want to see her like this, upset because he can't control himself from getting his own hopes high, can't stand how tense she is against him, apologetic guilt weighing heavily on her shoulders. Seeing her like this _hurts_ , hurts more than she’s hurt him, and if lying and saying that things are okay will make her feel better, then he's fine with it. This is how Adrien lives- always lying about being okay to placate other people, forcing a smile on his face and constantly pretending.

“It's _not_ okay,” she hisses, pulling away to stare up at him with wide blue eyes, pained and wet at the corners but burning brightly anyway. She looks like her heart is breaking a little too, like his. “You're hurting. It's not okay, Chat. _You're_ not okay right now. Don't lie to me like this. Please.”

He doesn't know what to say to that, because no one's ever told him to not lie about his own personal well-being, so he says nothing at all and only replies with a small, jerky nod. (And, of course, it would be her to tell him to stop and to be honest, one of the few people who actually knows who he truly is, one of the few that worries for him and truly cares for him.)

He slowly kneels down until he's level with her, and she throws her arms around his neck, tugging him in close and pressing close enough to him that he can feel her heartbeat, a steady and comforting _thump, thump, thump_ against him. He's hesitant to respond at first, freezing up again, but eventually he works up the nerve to move and wrap his arms around her shoulders.

Adrien doesn't think he's okay, but he'll learn to deal with it. He'll live. He tries to pull her in even closer to him, even though they're already flush next to each other and rests his head on her shoulder, barely touching the crook of her neck. He hears his ring beep out a warning, a claw disappearing off the green paw display. Three left.

He doesn't move. She doesn't either. They both stay.

It's not until there's only one claw left that she pulls away again, looking at him straight in the eyes, a sudden determined set in her body like she’s come to a decision. “I'll tell you one day,” she says softly, voice gentle even with the fire in her eyes. “I'll tell you who I am, one day. I promise. Not now though, I'm still not ready for that just yet, but… One day, I swear.”

“You don't have to,” he tells her, shaking his head even if the words burn on his tongue when he says them and his stomach twists itself into knots again. “If you're uncomfortable, then I don't have to know. Don't force yourself just because of me.”

“I trust you,” she tells him firmly, staring at him with a sharp seriousness on her face. “I know you won't tell a single soul. You're one of the most trust-worthy people I know, and I believe in you. You're a good person, Chat, because I know you want to know, but you're willing to give it up if I don't want to even though it upsets you.”

“Just give me some time,” she promises with a slightly hesitant smile, and she reaches for his hand to give it a squeeze. “To prepare myself.”

“Okay,” he says with a small, and he smiles back at her, more of an Adrien smile than a Chat grin, before tangling their fingers together and squeezing back. “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was supposed to be only two chapters but i wrote more than i wanted to for this part so therell probably be a third part. anyway this is also cross-posted on my tumblr hotsuins so hmu if u want to talk about this au or something?? i dont know


End file.
